I was once told by a palm reader, “You are an old soul; you’ve been through this life many times.” Being 6 years of age, I had no idea what she was talking about. However, I have often reflected on this prophetic statement throughout the course of my life.
I have always been what can be termed as an “outsider,” beginning at 16 months of age when I was adopted. Raised in a physically and mentally abusive environment, and subsequently uprooted from family and friends, many are surprised to learn of my turbulent background. Apparently, I am the epitome of a contradiction of not only someone who should not have survived, but managed to survive well. Many are horrified to learn that I value and appreciate my past experiences because they fail to understand how these experiences are part of who I am today.
Maybe I am an old soul who has been through this life many times, but at the root of this survival were two key tenets: a belief in and hope for unconditional love (as experienced in my relationships with my late – grandmother and father); and forgiveness of the self and all others (to include my abuser). Without unconditional love of the self, as well as others, and forgiveness, I could not rightly begin my life’s journey.
After high school, I started on the traditional track of higher education but quickly deviated from college to serve for my country. Call it fate or coincidence, but due to this impromptu detour, I met my soul mate. In the past 28 years of our lives, we have supported one another’s search for our own respective niches through college and career changes; we’ve survived significant losses, celebrated major accomplishments, and experienced the miracle of life. We are proof of my first tenet.
Forgiveness is a remarkable, yet very difficult act that requires the art of letting go. For me, I had to forgive my abuser before I could move on in my own life. I remember when I made this firm resolve to forgive my mother: it seemed like a simple act, but in reality, I recall the subsequent feelings of lightness and optimism. Had I not let go of the anger, bitterness, and hatred, healing would not have occurred within myself and the relationship I shared with my late mother could never have been – proof of my second tenet.
Having learned such important lessons, it was not until later in life that I realized how these experiences could become teachable moments. Juggling a full-time job as a paralegal and attending college part-time was a struggle, but “if you really want something, it can and will be done.” It was a few years into my return to college when I made yet another impromptu detour: to change my major from English to Secondary Education. Using my experiences as an “outsider,” I became the educator of those students in whom society seems to have lost faith. I am a combination of the traditional and the non-traditional educator as I teach my students not only academic but also life values. I am an educator, a mentor, a role model, and in many cases, a mother, to so many students in need.
I am also a caregiver, a trait instilled in me at an early age by my late grandmother with whom I spent a lot of time. I remember our making and delivering meals, cleaning houses, and visiting her friends who were ill, recovering from chemotherapy, or passing to the next realm. I have been to the bedsides of many friends and family as a result of serious injuries, surgeries, terminal illnesses, cancer, and even death. I am no stranger to hospitals, nursing homes, hospice centers, acute care facilities, rehab centers, and homes. If I am needed, I am there.
While my niche is multi-faceted, there is one common denominator: compassion. I care deeply about myself and all living beings. As my life’s journey continues, I have realized that my yoga practice is a culmination of this caring. Compassion comes from one’s heart, and I want to share it with the world.
Apurva - Yoga with Jenn 